Ups and Downs

Today, I was an active participant in the world. The hardest part of my day was getting out of bed. And it was hard. I’ve not been in the best place, lately, and was generally happier just staying in bed. Still, I had plans for the day. I had to get up.

Finally out of bed and out of the house, I drove out to recycle my aluminum cans and find an early polling place. I wound up at Chapel Hills Mall, north of the city, and waited for an hour to cast my ballot. Yes, the line was long, and the people were cynical, but they were also in pretty good moods. Most were perfectly fine with waiting to vote. Everyone was anxious to avoid the possible crowds next Tuesday. I figure either it’ll be chaos or deserted, because there’s been an incredible turnout.

After, I grabbed a bite to eat, and headed downtown. Michelle Obama was going to be in town and she was speaking at City Auditorium. I missed Barack when he was in Pueblo, just 40 miles to the south, and I missed Joe Biden when he was here last week because I wasn’t feeling well (side note: wind chill was about -10 when Biden was here, and it was in the upper 60s for Michelle. Ah, fall…). I wasn’t about to miss this chance.

I hit downtown about 3:10 or so, concerned that I wouldn’t have gotten there early enough. I drove around the block once trying to find a parking spot, and decided to stop at a parking garage across the street from the venue. Only $1 after 2:00. Lucky, since I didn’t really have anything more than that. In the ten minutes it took me to circle the block, the line grew about 20 feet. I took my place with the crowd, already tired from having stood for over an hour earlier, and waited. By the time I was nearly at the door, I saw the end of the line. It had gone around the block and then some. I met some great people, and basically soaked up all the incredible energy from the crowd. It was unreal.

Finally, we were in the building, seated and waiting for the main event. The hall was crowded and hot, the crowd tired, but still very excited. Colorado leaders spoke up, including a Colorado Springs city council member, a Republican, who is voting for Obama. Then came the main event. I knew I’d be excited, I had no idea how much.

Michelle represented her husband well. She talked about her past, she talked about his. She talked about supporting the military, a very important topic in a city that is home to the Air Force Academy, Schriever and Peterson Air Force Bases and Ft. Carson Army Base. She talked about getting out early to vote. She was elegant, she was graceful, she was everything I wish I could be in front of a crowd. At one point, someone near the front passed out. She stopped her speech and asked if the person was okay, came off the stage and went to that person. She STOPPED HER SPEECH for this. How cool is that?

I had my camera with me, and I learned something…if I’d left the flash on, I might have better pictures. Still, I have shots of the line outside, and some of the photos from inside are clear enough, so it’s okay.

Michelle mentioned her father, who had Multiple Sclerosis. I thought of my mother with MS. She spoke of Barack’s upbringing with a single mother. I grew up with a single mother, although I was fortunate enough to have my father very present in my life. She talked about student loans and paying for college. Just before I started my current degree, I had finished paying off my undergrad student loan.

And I thought about other things. I thought about my father and his generation, being denied jobs and opportunities because of their race. I thought of being followed in the mall by security, or ignored by salespeople. I thought about being pulled over for a DWB – Driving While Black. I thought about growing up with my blue-eyed blonde mother, about people asking her if we were adopted, about waitresses automatically assuming we wanted separate checks at a meal, about being shunned by whites for being black, and shunned by blacks for being too white. I even thought about my older sisters who seem to think of me as some white girl they’re related to. And I thought about July 20, 1996, and the Multi-racial Solidarity March. It was a demonstration to change the 2000 census, to allow people to check all races that apply. If we have to categorize, we should be allowed to categorize accurately.

Barack Obama’s genetics is not a deciding factor for me. It just gives me another area of relationship with him. I’m well aware of the fact that to the world at large, pale as I am, I’m a black woman. And make no mistake, I’m heartily proud of my black and African heritages. I consider myself biracial, though, both black and white, member of both, accepted by neither. So be it. The world is changing, and I’m lucky enough to be here for it.

Today was an up day. I know the down day is coming again, it hasn’t left my side for months, now. I have about $900 to my name, and my mortgage and HOA dues are due Monday. I will apply for assistance (I promised, Jen), but I don’t know what I’m going to do until it kicks in. I apply for jobs, but I’m not holding my breath on getting one.

For now, though, I’m reveling in the world as it is right now, a world where a man who would be followed by mall security even today can aspire to be president.